BRITISH EXPAT ASSOCIATION ISSUES ULTIMATUM TO ARGENTINE GOVERNMENT: "WE WON'T SETTLE FOR LESS"

Minority immigrant group The British Expat Association (BEA), yesterday issued a stark warning to the Argentine government, claiming relations could sink to an all time low unless demands are met for various benefits and luxuries for British imperialists living in the Buenos Aires capital.

“A fall in Anglo-Argentine relations could be devastating.. but we will not settle for anything less than the luxuries we have grown up with”, claims BEA founder Henry Buckingham-Walace, whose main demands include:

• Splicing the local currency into various different compounds according to social class and popularity, including official, semi official, unofficial, inexistent and BEA official privelege plus one. In line with the government they believe the underprivileged should have no access to any useful currency.
• Discounts off imported luxury British products including Royal Family memorabilia, Scotch Eggs and Beagling shoes.
• Annual holiday for a “British redcoats day” with national pride speeches and a “Charge of the Light Brigade” re-enactment on Avenue 9 Julio.
• Fairer use of the state run television channel, “Television Publica”, by including important events such as Challenge Anika, Royal Ascot Horse Whisperer and the Queens Guide to Imperial Leisure.
• A British Beefeater supermarket card for discounts off Argentine meat products.
• British Fox hunting to be approved in major parks in the capital followed by re-enactment of Pride and Prejudice. 

But with zero interest or response from any previous requests to the Argentine government, BEA associates have been looking at other ways to seek attention from ruling party officials, from charitable donations to social programs promoting education.

One such idea from comitee member Stephen Oaks is a social campaign to “teach manners to the underpriveleged.” “We believe everyone should have access to learn good manners and social etiquette. We hope the government will fund this program to give hope to Argentines suffering from poor table manners and social style disorder (SSD)”.