HOT DOGS FOR VOTES SCANDAL: LOCAL POLITICIAN ESCALATES CHEAP VOTE GARNERING TACTIC

HOT DOGS FOR VOTES SCANDAL: LOCAL POLITICIAN ESCALATES CHEAP VOTE GARNERING TACTIC

Populism: Are we putting our future in the hands of this man?

The hotdog, or "choripan" has been an indispensable workhorse throughout primitive political rule, successfully driving millions of voters' decisions by enticing them with a quick meat snack and promising "a brighter future". Though yesterday locals backlashed against a current political campaign, saying it's gone "too far". Newspaper El Financiero revealed photos of candidate Enrique Malaconi campaigning "dressed as a hot dog". Political Editor Santiago Peroni claims it's "pure desperation - free hotdogs no longer working, so now they're dressing up as them?"
Fruit and Vegetable trader, Dario Rhodes, said "The government are a bunch of clowns who make fun of us. They think they can buy us with cheap trickery, or make us believe their free handouts will continue if we give our vote. But today we want them to know we won't be tricked any more. We've woken up to the smell of the 21st Century through using websites like Friendbuddy and Linkhoven".
Mr Malaca claims there was no intention for political gain in wearing the hotdog outfit, and that he'd lost his regular suit whilst scouring the park the night before. He hit back, "If I wear a hotdog outfit they call me corrupt. If I where a suit they call me a capitalist. If I wear a T-Shirt they call me a white pig", he proclaimed as he presented his new book "A Fresh Wash for Democracy".
But an angry local swordsmith claimed "I'll give him wash! HOGWASH! They're all at it you know".
Investigations are currently underway into campaign "overspending" by the ruling party, with evidence suggesting they've spent 5 million pesos on bread and sausage meat alone in the last quarter.